Sometimes ...

I feel like giving up. I know I'm not supposed to say that in public, but this writing thing ... it's very discouraging. I know I'm not the best mystery writer around. I'm not the best at anything. Period. But I’m ... good. Good enough to be read. I've been trying so hard to do better at marketing but I feel as though I'm failing miserably. I'm just no good at this. I also just need to face the fact that I picked a tiny sub-niche to write in. Historical fiction is already a dubious proposition. Fiction set against the backdrop of Harlem in the 1920s — the Harlem Renaissance — is even more so. I don't know why the period fascinates me so, but it does. It just won't let me go.

Took Sunday to a new vet this morning. I didn't like him at first. He wanted to take blood from her jugular vein. Heck, no! He told me that taking blood from one of her paws could damage it. If she had to be hospitalized, then the doctors would have only one paw to work with. I told him that (a) she didn't need to be hospitalized and (b) that in the sixteen years I've had her, he's the only doctor who said it was protocol to take blood from her neck.

She has chronic kidney disease, by the way. That's why I took her in. Because she's been yowling a lot the last few days and I wondered if she was in pain. She doesn't. seem to be. She doesn't cry out when she's picked up or touched around her middle, but I wanted to make sure. Also, her scent has changed. She always used to smell like expensive perfume. Lately, she's been smelling ... toxic, like something's wrong with her blood. So, I wanted her to have blood tests, specifically for creatinine levels. It had been six months at least since her last test.

Anyway, despite my misgivings about this new doc -- Dr. Bara -- I let him run the tests on her. Turns out I was right. Her levels are elevated. He gave her subcutaneous fluids today and said I should bring her back tomorrow for another SubQ. Then on Monday and Wednesday of next week, two times a week for the next three weeks. Then we'll redo the tests.

She's curled up in my lap, my sweet little comfort. I thank God for her every day -- even though, at times, she's a royal pest. But she's my pest and I'm grateful to have her.

Anyway, back to my failing attempts at marketing—and writing. I have to finish another Lanie Price motivational video for Bylines & Blues, finish editing a short story (Gallery of Guilt), and two novels (Murder Sings the Blues and Midnight in Montmartre), and then start work on turning Goodfellowe House into an audiobook to put up on YouTube. I would love to have more sales, but I've given up on Amazon. It's totally pay-to-play and I don't have the money. It would just be nice, at this point, to hear some supportive comments on YouTube.